Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Love Paris, Hate the French

When I was six, in 1966, my Dad was a US Air Force officer stationed in Germany. My parents, both die-hard romantics always told me about Paris, their favorite city. So, that year we took a trip to that lovely town, me, my sister and our parents. It happened to coincide with Degaulle's decision to throw US forces out of France, accompanied by heated attacks on America. Upon our arrival we hailed a cab, loaded up the trunk with all our bags and started on our way. That is until the little Gaulic shit driving the taxi realized we were Americans. He started shouting, ordered us out of the vehicle and ended up in a shouting match with my father, during which our fecund Frenchman pulled our bags out of the back and threw them into the street and drove off.

We found another ride and had our vacation, but we never forgot the bad treatment.

Now I've had plenty of nice experiences in Paris since and still think it's one of the most beautiful places in the world. It's too bad the French get to live there. They're rude, they stink and, to be honest, I don't like their food that much. A nice onion tart in Alsace is my favorite treat, and that's only sort of French.

So, in honor of that noble breed of collaborators and anti-semites, here's a little joke where one of our own is the hero.

God bless the United States Marines.

The joke:

The Euro-Train was quite crowded, so the U. S. Marine walked its entire length looking for a seat, only to find that the last seat left was taken by a well-dressed middle-aged French woman's poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat." The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.."

She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"

This time the Marine didn't say a word, he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. " Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window!"

I admire the Brits as well.


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